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Damn it! I so want to see MI3, but I have been keeping away from the theatre on this one. Why? Thomas Cruise Mapother IV. There are so many reasons to despise him. The dude is downright nutz! As a spokesperson for the Scientology cult it’s like he is their Pope or their Jim Jones. And the thought of paying to see MI3 feels like I’m drinking the Cool-Aid.

The biggest problem for me is that this crazy dude makes all of this backend money for MI3. He’ll probably make like 80 cents for my full price ticket. You aint getting my 80 cents Tommy boy.

But the bad part is I am so excited to see Mission Impossible. J.J. Abrams just seems like a geekdom God. The early Alias episodes and the beginning of Lost are brilliant. Over time these shows have lose some of their luster (Alias got downright bad), but that’s why I have so much hope for him in film; it’s the perfect length of time to show one sweet episode.

I have to see this film, but Cruise isn’t getting any of my money. Tonight I go Mission Impossible on his ass. At 8:06 I will buy tickets to the 8:10 showing of United 93… it’ll take 7 minutes to get my oversized tub of popcorn, at which point I will walk into the 8:30 showing of MI3, plenty of time to spare to snag a choice seat.

-Ed

Retort

Aside from your Cruisenfraude, I like your idea on the whole.

Take your ticket for United 93, for example. Not only are you keeping rice from poor Suri’s belly, but you are rewarding Paul Greengrass for making a ballsy, and by many reviews, a well crafted film, bereft of exploitation… without actually having to see it. A feeling I know I share with many.

If anything, I just want to see it not fail. Your scheme awards both fronts.

But when Xenu comes back to judge us all, I never knew you.

-Wilson